Lilo in the scan – is chubby cheeked, not sure of the chin.. small cute lips, still no teeth within, eyes are huge..lovely too.. pudgy nosed..momma’s pet .. come out soon.. do i hear a yes yes yes ? 
Waiting for Lilo :)
In doubt…
To reiterate Shaurya’s tweet..”There is NO undo in life”, but I’d always believed there can be a “Redo”.
I’v had a moment tonight where I doubted this.. I hope I was wrong in doubting it.
Insight!!
… In discussion with Viky…
** It’s never the ‘how’, but the ‘what’ which is important in any activity.
** If ego was a person, it would be the best master of disguise.
A mommy to be’s song :)
My song to the music of ‘My favourite things’ from Sound of Music.
Glasses of milk and strawberries were eaten;
Mood swings and sometimes poor hubbies were beaten;
Puking then gas and I tossed in between
Not making being preggy sound nice i can see..
But hold on people, sing along now,
and let me tell you how…
It changes completely all things that you see,
The world just smiles back happy and glee..
Now that I have all of your attention;
There are some things or two i have to mention;
People you love cant just wait how to feel;
That growing tummy and the cutie beneath;
Mommy’s crying, girlfriend’s sighing,
Saying they want one too..
the best part is then when they call up and u,
realise their wish came true..
Now i have a basket ball that i call a tummy;
Bosoms I wish will give Pam run for her money;
Guilty pleasures I give into everyday ; Sometimes ice lollies and sometimes its cake; 
And in a month or so.. I’ll go heave and ho, and have Lilo in my arms.. and there will be all you who sang this song with me To wish us joy and peace.
Random thoughts..
I’m still unsure if I am a part of ‘their’ big picture. I sure know ‘they’ play a huge part in mine. I like and want it that way…
To my unborn Lilo!!
I pray and wish this for you every day !!
Ever close your eyes
Ever stop and listen
Ever feel alive
And you’ve nothing missing
You don’t need a reason
Let the day go on and on
Let the rain fall down
Everywhere around you
Give into it now
Let the day surround you
You don’t need a reason
Let the rain go on and on
What a day, what a day to take to
What a way, what a way to make it through
What a day, what a day to take to a wild child
Only take the time
From the helter skelter
Every day you find
Everything’s in kilter
You don’t need a reason
Let the day go on and on
Every summer sun
Every winter evening
Every spring to come
Every autumn leaving
You don’t need a reason
Let it all go on and on
What a day, what a day to take to
What a way, what a way to make it through
What a day, what a day to take to a wild child
What a day, what a day to take to
What a way, what a way to make it through
What a day, what a day to take to a wild child
Da-da da da da da, da da da da da da
da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da
..of a confused cutesy
I know of a couple with a cutesy five year old living in the US of A. The father, worked very hard to get to that country and has been there for almost six to seven years now. His wife, post marriage had to wait for almost an year and a half to get to be with him..(visa issues and all). She had prayed, promised the lord a thousand promises to be with her hubby..and soon she did. Cutesy was born a year later.I came to know recently that their citizenship has been approved and were to take their oath of being American citizens pretty soon.
Now, the mom wants to come back to India with her son.
This little one insists that they have an American flag hoisted in their home, demands to know why he is not served non-vegetarian at school(mum’s strict instructions to the authorities of the school) but more important than all, he is NOT afraid to ask “WHY” or “WHY NOT?”. He does not understand the answer ‘because i said so’ and expects logic. The couple pursue the only other attempt at disciplining for such behavior and that being physical punishment..(that’s how they were disciplined they explain when their actions are questioned). More so they are freaked out with the idea that children have been taught the usage how to use 911 emergency services.
So the mother plans to stay in India for an year or so (she is giving him an year to see if he would adjust) else go back to her husband that she had once prayed so much to be with.
My point -
How are we sure he would not want to have non-veg here?
I wonder if he would know the difference between being American or being Indian? ( i wonder what our kids are taught- Indian, Tamils, Dravidians..blah!)
Since historic times we have been controlled and people have tried to be in control so much that they feel threatened when a five year old starts to ask questions.
I am concerned for cutesy.. another bright mind would be dullened(if there was a word like this) .. another who would not be empowered to question.. another who may just be unsure of his identity.. another who would not learn to understand and respect ‘control’..I know we all survived this and may be he will too.
P.S – Off tangent – It is very interesting to think how we pray for something so much only to not want it at all or be completely disgusted when it really does. 
Beliefs, Assertion and Reaction
The move back to hometown is not easy as i hoped for it to be. I seem to have developed this huge wall of defensiveness that is ready to attack when someone raises something as simple a thought or at times a direct order at me… Nay!! only when someone from my in-laws or parental side seem to raise an issue with me. I am consciously trying to work on it. Friends saying something – that seems fine…probably cos they know unwanted advice and overbearing concern is something that i don’t appreciate or stand. More so i can tell this to them if need be , and they GET IT!!
Off tangent – i confess i have been the above(read concerned and nagging 24/7) to a few loved ones, people i really apologise for the same 
I now know it can get annoying and you can’t even start to explain why. Much appreciate your patience with me.
Coming back to me, never before have i shown so much assertiveness(retrospectively could be considered arrogonce when i react and not a polite response) in taking a stand in what i believe in .
What has changed is now i take responsibility of my emotions/beliefs/principles. I am ready to smile at the appreciation my MIL provides when i have discussions of women empowering themselves with her and my SIL and ready to face the flak when something i say is not easily digestable to them. I still need to tell it all to Viky:) but i don’t expect him to speak or believe in what i do for support.
The emotions i go through is that of an anxious soldier who keeps thinking he/she will face an enemy anytime. The gun is always cocked and ready to shoot. What this soldier has faced until now are confused people unsure of which side they stand, soldiers who seem to have given up trying to believe in what they want to but can’t due to ‘circumstances’ and soldiers who think they have ‘control’ of a something. Eventually i the soldier wonders does she really need to shoot at them. She knows ..nay .. hopes there would really be no real war. She also knows if at all she has to be in the middle of the battleground, she would not be afraid of it anymore.
P.S – I wonder if this new found guts to stand up comes cos i am having a little one…hmm.
